R.I.P Uncle Bill (11-19-08)

My uncle died yesterday. He was only in his 50's. Isn't that sad? Apparently he had a massive hart attack when he was up on a latter in his garage.

He fell.

I cried.

very sad day for my family.

At first i was sad. But everybody is sad when someone you know dies right? I couldn't stop thinking about how the day before i was thinking about seeing him this year and fishing with him. But then i thought, he's going home now. . .good.

My parents do not know if my Uncle believed in Jesus, or if he went to church every Sunday. when i asked my dad if he went to heaven. He told me that he did not know.

Here is a summary of our conversation:

Me: At least he is in heaven now. . . He's happy.

Dad: I don't know. . .the bible is very specific. . (I don't remember the rest. .)

Me: God wouldn't turn down a good soul. I don't think he would reject someone who hadn't found Jesus yet. . would he?

In the end I got frustrated. My dad told me what he believed, and no matter how hard i tried, i could not make him tell me what i need to hear, or answer my questions. He didn't know.

I'm talking to My youth paster on Sunday.

I'm tired of not being able to do what i want to do.

1.) I want to see california, but i can't. . .maybe when i can drive. . .

2.) I want to drive.(but that will happen soon!)

3.) I wish i could ACT(TV).

4.) I want to see a broadway in New York. I guess i'll have to wait until i can work.

5.) Everyone in my family tells me i should be a hand model. Well, Why can't we try it? Oh, right. Stupid money.

6.) I really do not like the color of my room, but i have to live with it until we can get money.

7.) I really didn't want Obama for president, but i have to live with that.

8.) I'm tired of letting friends put me down. I'm getting frustrated.

9.) I don't like not having everything my friends have.

I don't know why i'm not content with my life-style. I have a roof over my head, family that loves me. Food. School. I have much more that half of the world does. But i still want to achive more. Does that make me selfish? Should i be worried. I haven't even finished 10th grade. And I'm ready to book it to California. . . Arghhh!

**screams on the inside**

On the better side, i love performing in my play, its GREAT! And i played candyland and go-fish in youthgroup. FUN!

Life is complicated. I'm not much of the type of girl who will flirt, so how do i let a guy know i'm seriously interested in him? My problem is that the guy a like has a girlfriend. This girlfriend treats him like crap. And I can tell that he is Unhappy. I think that the only reason he stays with her is because "she gives him what he wants"(A.K.A She's a slut) I watched her get him upset almost a billion times during homecoming, and her was to a solution is kissing him and dancing around. ARGH! Whats wrong with me?? ?I just don't get it. But i have to admit, watching him try to learn the electric slide is HILARIOS! HAHA!


My first performance for my play is on friday. WOOT! I'm totally stoked. If i could ever be on Broadway, i would. I LOVES IT!!

Anything else you might say? I have a headache. I have some sort of report due tomorrow. Crap. It's a collage, and i have half of my pictures. My GPA dropped way below what i wanted it to, and i am working on restoring it. And TWILIGHT COMES OUT IN 16 DAYS!!! WOOT! HAHA. The paramore music video was awsome.

I really need an I-Pod. Seriously. Bad. I'm going to use all of my christmas money (If i get any. . stupid money problems) to get one. TWILGHT SOUNDTRACK RELEASE TOMORROW!

See ya,

~~*A silly girl who says goodbye to invisible people and who has a headache*~~